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Monday, November 11, 2013

Insomnia

I've been awake for OVER 24 hours straight. I went to bed as usual but between my coughing fits (I caught Kate's cold) and restlessness, I gave up at 3am. Lucy came out at 3:30 for the bathroom and Kate followed at 4:30 and never went back to sleep. Both were up and out of their rooms by 5:15am.

I told them yesterday that I would be going back to Houston on Wednesday. My one year post-radiation MRI is on Thursday morning. I get the results on Friday. I went out with a couple of friends a few months ago and they asked me how I was feeling about having cancer that has no particular end in sight, just years of MRIs stretching before me. I really didn't know what to say. I think I've managed to "organize" my way out of feeling anything about it. As soon as I got the diagnosis I went into project manager mode and never looked back. I've yet to shed a tear.

And yet....

I have recurring insomnia. I've put on 10 lbs without changing my eating or activity level. My attention span and memory are minuscule. I'm irritable about things that never used to bother me. All of which could be chalked up to being post-menopausal (thank you again Mr. Radiation).

I told my therapist that I have been calling it Cancer Light. Because really, it doesn't have the same clout as say, breast cancer or lymphoma. It shouldn't kill me. So I don't feel I have the same right (perhaps) to complain or dwell on it. I feel like I should just move on. So that's what I've done.

How's that working out for me?

Not as well as I had hoped.

1 comment:

Elizabeth said...

Lisa you do have a right to be worried, upset, stressed and any other "not so happy, not so positive emotion" you feel. You may not have time to dwell on it with your girls keeping you so busy but you have EVERY right to feel a wide range of emotions. You have a cancer and although they have told you the radiation made a difference it is still there, in your body not theirs. You also had a lot of radiation and that causes great fatigue. My new GIST seems like it will be monitored while I get over the breast cancer, more later. I am learning that the medical profession seem to like certain words. For example MRI's and PET scans (still to be discussed) show "hot spots" not what is lurking in your body! I see it as "lurking" as that is what my cancers and other peoples have done and I think it describes the situation better but I am learning a new vocabulary!

Try some Gravol for the insomnia, it works every time for me. I only use it when absolutely needed, usually after a couple of rough nights. I take two and have never failed with it.

I can relate to your menopause symptoms as chemo does the same thing! So apparently does Tamoxifen which I start in early December. The worst for me are night sweats and hot flashes.

Take care my friend. I will be thinking of you this week, sending positive thoughts your way and will say a special prayer for you. Safe travels to Houston. Let us know how things go.

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