Monday, February 1, 2016

Heart Letter, Month 74

Dear Lucy,

You are 74 months old.
This month has been pretty exciting. We started off the month with a mommy/daughter date. You asked if we could go to a yoga class together which turned out to be a lovely time as the weather was so bad that we were the only ones who showed up to class, giving us a private lesson with the instructor.

Kate's 6th birthday party saw you rapturous as each new animal for her Wild Kratt's themed party was brought out. You were by far one of the most engaged children there, listening and asking questions about each animal and volunteering to hold each one.
Having Scarlette show up made your day as well! You have really missed her as she has moved on to first grade in another school.

Although the winter has been fairly mild (re: no snow) we did manage to get one big snowstorm this month so I took advantage by getting you two out of school early one afternoon to go sledding. It was frigid with wind chills in the negative range but you didn't care too much!

Mostly, though, the weather has been fairly mild meaning the playgrounds around our house are still getting a lot of action. You and Daddy biked to one last weekend and you spent most of your time climbing.

We had parent/child night at school last week and you were super excited to be partnered with Daddy this time around. You showed him your math work (addition) first:
But what you really wanted to show him was that you could tie bows. Qiongwei lao shi told us that you are the only one in the class that has mastered this board.
 You practice on my tennis shoes now all the time and it even extended to tieing Uncle Ry Ry's shoes during their post-wedding brunch.
Speaking of Uncle Ry Ry and Uncle Paul: they came to visit from Singapore on their way to move to London which has made you quite happy. We celebrated their marriage by having brunch with their families and you were thrilled to see them again, especially when they came over for supper a few nights later. I think the gifts they brought were icing on the cake--lots of foreign money wrapped up in Chinese envelopes, a game of Chinese chess and a singing bowl, which was actually my gift but you have taken it over for yourself.

We moved you into your own room this month as you continue to wake Kate up when you wake at 5:30am EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. We've worked on various solutions to this but suffice to say that none of them has worked and you still go down to her bed and whisper, "Kate, are you awake?" which, of course, wakes her up. The dark eye circles and surly temper from your sister prompted me to take drastic action which now finds you back in your old room, sleeping by yourself for the first time in a couple of years. It would be an understatement to say that you are not happy with this arrangement, especially since I added a clock that tells you when you are allowed to come out of the room  (6:30am) by turning green. Of course, you still come out around 5:55am to tell Daddy and me that the clock has not yet turned green. Grrrrr.

All of this has led to some pretty rough nights for you and it is manifesting itself by an intense longing for your China parents. I'm not sure if it's the new sleeping situation or if it's been triggered by seeing Uncle Ry Ry and Uncle Paul again (the last time you saw them both together was in China when you became part of our family) or a combination of both.

Either way, the first time it happened was right after the wedding brunch. That night you were extremely tired and had been around a lot of people celebrating a wedding and family and how everyone was related, none of whom looked like you. You cried for nearly 1 1/2 hours and said you wished you had a snow globe so that you could see your China mother's face or to see what she was doing in China right now. You wondered if she was pretty or if she was crying because she missed you. In-between just listening and holding you, I told you that the best way to figure out what your China mother might look like was to look in the mirror...that you are a beautiful combination of both your China parents. You said you were very happy to be learning Chinese and then asked if we could go back to your orphanage so you could "ask them in Chinese if they knew my China parents and maybe they can tell me about them or find them for me." You said you wanted to introduce them to your sister but mostly you just wanted your China mom to hold you and tell you that she loves you.

Although I knew this time would come, it is still hard for me to hear that you have questions for which I may never have answers. The primal wound you have suffered by losing your first parents and your birth country is something that will always be a part of you. It will shape and mold who you are and what you think about yourself. My hope is that the love and support and comfort you receive from us will intertwine with that first loss, helping to make you a stronger, wiser, compassionate woman.

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