You are 74 months old.
All of this has led to some pretty rough nights for you and it is manifesting itself by an intense longing for your China parents. I'm not sure if it's the new sleeping situation or if it's been triggered by seeing Uncle Ry Ry and Uncle Paul again (the last time you saw them both together was in China when you became part of our family) or a combination of both.
Either way, the first time it happened was right after the wedding brunch. That night you were extremely tired and had been around a lot of people celebrating a wedding and family and how everyone was related, none of whom looked like you. You cried for nearly 1 1/2 hours and said you wished you had a snow globe so that you could see your China mother's face or to see what she was doing in China right now. You wondered if she was pretty or if she was crying because she missed you. In-between just listening and holding you, I told you that the best way to figure out what your China mother might look like was to look in the mirror...that you are a beautiful combination of both your China parents. You said you were very happy to be learning Chinese and then asked if we could go back to your orphanage so you could "ask them in Chinese if they knew my China parents and maybe they can tell me about them or find them for me." You said you wanted to introduce them to your sister but mostly you just wanted your China mom to hold you and tell you that she loves you.
Although I knew this time would come, it is still hard for me to hear that you have questions for which I may never have answers. The primal wound you have suffered by losing your first parents and your birth country is something that will always be a part of you. It will shape and mold who you are and what you think about yourself. My hope is that the love and support and comfort you receive from us will intertwine with that first loss, helping to make you a stronger, wiser, compassionate woman.